sex

I’m really getting tired of advertisements that don’t put out.  In my years, I have learned to steer clear of “Christmas specials” at X, Y, and/or Z store.  You don’t need to trample, or cuss, or throw a punch just because it was the last collector tickle me elmo, people.  Sheesh, talk about your Christmas spirit!!  By the way, I did apologize for my behavior; will you please let me come back to your store?

Scrolling through my emails this morning, one in particular caught my attention.  The subject line read: Banish “bra fat” with one easy move.  Eureka! I thought.  You see the women on my side of the family are let’s just say, absolutely not lacking in THAT department.  It’s a sad day when your petite daughters ask to skip the proverbial 18^th birthday gifts and set up a mother/ daughter family plan at the plastic surgeon for a breast reduction!  I’m not too keen on any kind of surgery, especially one where I’ll be out cold and someone is messing with the girls.  Thanks, but no thanks.  So you see this email was a blessing.  I’d have some tidbit of advice to share with my daughters besides the classic “hey, who needs a bat or a tennis racket; swing your body this way and wham, home run! “

I opened the email and can you believe it, all they talked about was sex.  Don’t these morons know you are supposed to entice the customers and get their attention by starting off with the word “sex” in the subject line?  I bet you opened this post thinking that same thing.  See, sex gets one’s attention and then you go on to talk about some mundane thing like emails.  But I really wanted to know about bra fat!!!!  I feel cheap; I feel cheated; doggone it, I want to learn how to get rid of it.  Is that too much to ask?  I have a good mind to write them an email with sex in the subject line and then talk about my dishwasher.  That will show them!  Although I am going against my grain so instead I think I'll go and practice my boob swing.  I hear “winter” softball is about to start practice.