I'm Coming Out

Put on your battle gear!  I'm coming out to proclaim I'm a failure at this damn dieting game.  I hate it.  I don't like it.  I'm no good at it.  I like to eat.  I confess.  I made some brownies; I found a cute little brownie pan with castles and kisses and stars and rainbows and flowers.  Eating each little kiss or castle or star didn't reveal proportionally how many of those concealed devils I was really eating!  I ate practically the whole box!!!  Woe, Despair, and Agony on my hips, she laments.

So I'm coming clean with you all, Grainiacs.  I cannot NOT think about dieting or eating healthy or whatever spin you want to put on it.  I have to keep that thought up front in my cranium.  It can't fall back to the deep recesses of my mind.  Maybe I've said this before but I have to think like an alcoholic or a.... pervert.... (sorry, but I am disgusted with my perverted ways!!!  I AM A PERVERT when it comes to food.....I want it.....I have to have it.....I must resist all temptation).

So here's the dilemma.....just how do I do it?

The only solution I see in sight and that will help me to succeed is:

1) Go to a fat  farm-- know of any good ones?
2) order food online like Jenny Craig or Marie Osmond-- doesn't she look good? But Ladies, please! Stop with the lips!!!!
3) hole up in my house and refuse potlucks (btw, our church is having another one this Thursday for our Maundy Thursday service!)
4) give up and just eat whatever- wave the white flag and say "I surrender;" I've lost the battle
5) put the whole family on a "dieting" regimen with me

Problem with #1 is I don't have the time nor the money to go away and starve.  Problem with #2 is I'll buy said products online but still have a full tempting cabinet with Hubby and Boy food.  Problem with #3 is that is solitary confinement and our government has now deemed it cruel and unusual punishment.  Problem with #4 is I already do that and look at me!!!!!  Plus I love Churchill's quote: "Never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.''

So that leaves #5.  Go to War with Food!!!

Today is Tuesday.  I am purging the house of all brownie mixes, unhealthy grains, chips, etc. and declaring war on my kitchen.  My boys will be declaring war on me but I'm up for it.  The time is now to change.

Mark your calendars!  Today is my birthday (as in new birth),

my Quinceñera ( a Spanish word for a 15 year old's "coming" out as a young lady),


or in other words WWT-- World War Tres.