S-O-S

The problem with watching murder mysteries is you start to get a little paranoid—that is for this Scared Ole Strawberry!  Take Sunday morning, for instance.  Hubby and Son went early to church and left me alone to get ready.  What a luxury!  But did I enjoy my time alone….NO!  First thing, I go to get something out of my car and on my way back I notice there is a shovel by the front door.  A SHOVEL BY THE FRONT DOOR!!!!  It wasn’t there the day before.  In the last murder mystery I watched, one of the victims got knocked off by a shovel.  Remember, I’m watching a British show and everything takes place in the English countryside—there is always a shovel or some sort of gardening tool!  I thought to myself “don’t panic.”  Take the s.o.s. (stupid ole shovel) inside just in case someone is coming back for it!  I locked the front door (just in case) and continued getting ready for church.  Time came to let the dogs out for their one last hurrah before I left and what is lying on the carpet in front of the back door?  No, not the shovel but a pair of huge gardening loppers and I’m not talking about little shears; I’m telling you these bad boys can do some major limb damage.  By now my heart is beating so fast I’m afraid the dogs are going to have to do some heroic act on me and keep in mind they are the same dogs who let this intruder in IN THE FIRST PLACE.  Can I hear an “amen?”  Or at least a “woof woof?”

Once my heart began an even rhythm I realized Hubby had used them the week before during the men’s breakfast church clean-up.  You have to admire men who meet for a biscuit and sausage gravy breakfast and then tackle the manual labor!  Think about it, women.  What do we do after meeting the ladies for breakfast….why shop, of course!  That’s my kind of manual labor.  Okay, I know you are asking “Why in the h-e-double hockey sticks (we are talking about a Sunday so let’s watch the language!) did he leave a shovel by the front door and loppers by the back door?”  I’m asking the same question.  He’s been watching these murder mysteries right along with me; he should have put them by our bedside!  Seeing as how our weapon of defense has been the camera tripod, he should have realized after watching the British mysteries that he could hit the intruder over the head with the shovel while I lop off their trigger finger or baby toe.  What WAS my man thinking?

I guess you realize another scary event is coming up.  BOO!  Halloween is right around the corner.  It is also the time that every peanut butter cup/ almond joy/ baby ruth/ actually anything chocolate call out my name as I walk through the store.  Yes!  The candy aisle at the store can be scary if you are trying to lose weight.  Personally I’d rather stay home and find random gardening tools around my house than try to fight a chocolate battle.  But that’s just me.

I want to leave you with a happy thought.  I saw this on facebook today and just had to share with my favorite Grainiacs.  

Get Real!

Happy 4th Anniversary to me!  It's been 4 weeks since I started this blog and began my "This is It" Tour.  The journey has been smooth sailing thus far and it worries me because once I get comfortable, I slip back into not so terrific habits.  I thought today for my 4 week anniversary, I would get real.  I will stop hiding behind my words and my pets and introduce myself.  Put my photos out there in blog-land so that (hopefully) the next time you see me, you'll be seeing less of me!  How's that for real.

I believe I mentioned in my first blog ( Day 1 ) that I've been lying to myself for 20 years.  I'm not going to take you back that far....how does 2008 sound?


My weight loss journey did not start in 2008, but I wanted to start my picture gallery in 2008.  You see, I've taken photo after photo to mark the beginning of "a new weight loss journey."  Any diet program will say "take a picture of the old you."  Unfortunately I keep taking pictures and it's still the old me!!  Sidebar: My 2011 photo is recent and was taken after losing almost 10 pounds.  It's hard for weight loss to start showing on me after 10 pounds so I thought this would be a good photo to mark the beginning (although you and I know I've lost almost 10 pounds, right?) of my This Is It Tour.

 

Me in 2008

Me in 2009

Me in 2010

Do you see much difference from 2008 to 2010?  Me either.  Let me tell you-- 2011 isn't much different either!  Each time I took a picture it was because THIS WAS GONNA BE THE TIME!!   A picture is worth a 1,000 words they say?  Well,Strawberry's Reader's Digest version says "Stop kidding yourself."  Have you ever kidded yourself that way?  It doesn't have to be about weight loss either....just fill in the blanks.  (If you don't have any blanks to fill in, please write me; I want to know your secret.)

So here I am and this time it is going to be different because YOU are on the journey with me.  Thank you, Grainiacs.  I love you.

2011 Me & cat & dog BUT I'm not hiding behind them!

I'm innocent I tell ya

Our little pound kitty has turned into a regular diva.  She has (quite by accident) acquired a taste for bottled water.  It happened innocently, really.  Our water dispenser is by her bread machine nest (see photos in Kitzilla's Nest ((Time..Schedules..etc))).  Whenever anyone goes near the water dispenser, she is there…nose and all…wanting to see the water flowing.  At first, this fascination with water was amusing; after all cats and water!  She is not your typical cat—she doesn’t run from the water, she runs to it!  While washing dishes, she jumps on the counter to watch me.  I thought if I gave her a bath in there (I washed all the dishes first!), it would deter her.  Who knew she’d love it! 

Any who, this morning I poured myself a large glass of water to take my morning pill.  I set it down to attend to my (ahem) morning routine.  By the time I got back to the kitchen, the kitten was on the counter with nose in MY water glass!  I grabbed it and hissed at her (kitten language for “mine”) and took my drink into the family room.  I was about to take a sip when a thought hit me: did she already take a swig?  Oh well, cats are fairly clean, right?  I was about to drink and then remembered where I saw the kitty before I went to the bathroom.  She had taken care of her morning constitutional and was on the printer cleaning herself….you know where!!!!  Yuck, yuck, pooey, I was most definitely NOT going to drink after her.  Note to self: only pour enough water to take pill in morning and then buy one of those water bottle helmets so you can keep your water on you…literally!  I checked some out.  Aren’t they cute?

All of this rambling is to remind myself to get in more water before the kitty does.  I have gotten lax about it.  How about you?  Are you drinking enough water?  If you come to my house, be sure to bring your own water helmet or for goodness sake, hold your water glass wherever you go.  Kitzilla is on the loose!

She is quick.

 Before you know it...

P.S.  Even after telling Hubby about my blog topic this morning and asking him to fetch some water so I could catch Kitzilla in action for a photo op, he STILL forgot.  Guess who set his water down on the counter and walked over to watch me type....and guess who helped herself to the freshly dispensed water!  Yep, she's quick!

Weekly Weigh-In

I am so sorry, Grainiacs (P.S. thank you, #1 Grainiac, for the name suggestion.  It rocks!); I have been remiss in my weekly reports to you to let you know how it has been going!

As of August 31^st, I have lost 7.5 lbs.  Whoo hoo!  Slow and steady.  In my former life, I would have been bummed out that after 3 weeks I hadn't lost all the 20 years of weight gain.  My thought process was borderline ridiculous but hey, that's me!!!  The new strawberry is not going to be bummed about it (okay, secretly I wish I'd lost 25 pounds because then I'd be that much closer to goal weight, BUT I will not go there...excuse me, I'm going to go color now.  I need a time-out!).  LOL

Speaking of coloring, let me just say I am LOVIN’ my new coloring world.  Every night I eat dinner and then bring out my creative supplies and something child-like happens....I am in a happy place.  I really love it.  My family is getting used to this new me, too.  They are no longer laughing at me; now they just smile and nod.  I know they are secretly jealous!  I have been showcasing my beautiful artwork too.  At this rate, I’ll need a bigger refrigerator.

  

Speaking of refrigerators (do you like how I do that?  Look at the creativity that flows when you start coloring!), I am still menu-challenged.  I do not know why I cannot sit down and plan out a week or even a days worth of meals.  Maybe I’ll have to undergo hypnosis or something because I have some sort of aversion to it.  Any thoughts?  I just had one!  Anyone who has watched Drop Dead Diva knows the look I just made when something brilliant comes to her mind.  If you've never seen DDD, you don't know what you are missing; check out Lifetime's website to see past episodes.  It's a hoot.  Getting back to my brilliant idea (you probably already thought of it)  I could color code my menus.  I wonder if I plan out a menu with colored pencils would help.  I'll try it tonight. Ta Da!!!

My creativity station i.e. rolly computer/draft table

Check out the chick on the right!

Hubby drew the chicken.  I still need a ruler and compass to draw figures and a stick chicken wouldn't look appetizing-- even to me!

Drop me a line and tell me how you are doing.  Have any coloring pages to share?  Hmmm?

You are what you eat

If you are what you eat, then I’m nuts.  My aunt sent a forward with all sorts of twisted cartoons the other day.  She has such a wonderful sense of humor… a little twisted…but she can remember jokes like nobody’s business.  I remember when she and my father would get together on family visits; each one lobbing a joke back and forth like a tennis game.  I would get tennis neck turning from one to the other as they entertained us with the latest joke.  I was in awe that they could remember the joke AND the punch line.  That gene was not passed on to me.  I can either remember part of the joke or part of the punch line… never a full line.  I’m a lousy joke teller.  Seriously I can remember only one joke and it is not anything a preacher’s wife should repeat….so don’t ask me.  Getting back to the cartoons, one of them is by Reynolds Unwrapped.  Since I didn’t get his permission to post it here, you’ll have to look it up for yourself.  It shows a squirrel on the therapist’s couch saying “When I learned, ‘You are what you eat,’ I realized I was nuts.” 

That’s pretty much me.  I’m nuts about nuts.  I’m craving them like crazy.  Smokehouse almonds, peanuts, cashews, mixed nuts, you name it, I want it.  There is a strong possibility (ding dong!) I’ve substituted my grains for nuts!  Since I’m not munching on chips or popcorn anymore while watching my murder mysteries, the crunchy nuts are taking the grains’ place.  This is not making me a happy nut, er strawberry.  I AM seeing a pattern here—I need to be eating something while watching TV!  Let’s face it, anything in moderation like eating an ounce of nuts versus the whole dang jar is not all bad.  Correction: anything in moderation except drugs or texting while driving or cutting yourself…oh, I really don’t want to go here, Grainiacs, but you know what I mean.

So here is my solution…..drum roll please…..start beating on your desk if you’ve left your drum somewhere…..

Dieters have suggested doing something with your hands while watching TV so as not to eat.  Unfortunately I also didn't get the artist gene either; I need a compass and ruler to draw stick figures.  Man, I suck!  I can color and stay in the lines, though.  Whoo hoo!  So I am taking up coloring!  Crayons!  Colored pencils!  Anything office supply that is cute and shiny and pink and pretty; I love it!  My little rural Walmart doesn’t have the best selection of coloring books for a 50ish year young person but I did find a Lisa Frank coloring and activity book for $5.00.  If you’ve ever seen a Lisa Frank notebook, you’ll realize (as I just did) that she has lots of glitter in her work too.  Note to self: go back and buy glitter pens.  Of course I needed new crayons AND newly sharpened from the factory coloring pencils.  Why shan’t our own sharpeners sharpen as sharp as the shipper’s?  HA, say that fast.  I want one of those sharpeners!  Like I want a Sonic crunchy ice machine!  I’m not high maintenance, really!  Coloring and keeping my hands busy really worked.  I colored and created all over my L.F. coloring book.  Of course I missed key hints during the mystery but I was coloring to my little heart's content.  It felt good.  I posted my creation on the refrigerator.  If anyone asks, I'll say a neighbor child gave it to me!  Have you ever heard of quilting swaps?  Let's swap our coloring pages.  No!  I'm telling!!!!!

My To Do is now my Ta Da!

Notice my new purchase...grocery list and menu planner pad.  So cute!

 I told you; I LOVE office supplies.

sex

I’m really getting tired of advertisements that don’t put out.  In my years, I have learned to steer clear of “Christmas specials” at X, Y, and/or Z store.  You don’t need to trample, or cuss, or throw a punch just because it was the last collector tickle me elmo, people.  Sheesh, talk about your Christmas spirit!!  By the way, I did apologize for my behavior; will you please let me come back to your store?

Scrolling through my emails this morning, one in particular caught my attention.  The subject line read: Banish “bra fat” with one easy move.  Eureka! I thought.  You see the women on my side of the family are let’s just say, absolutely not lacking in THAT department.  It’s a sad day when your petite daughters ask to skip the proverbial 18^th birthday gifts and set up a mother/ daughter family plan at the plastic surgeon for a breast reduction!  I’m not too keen on any kind of surgery, especially one where I’ll be out cold and someone is messing with the girls.  Thanks, but no thanks.  So you see this email was a blessing.  I’d have some tidbit of advice to share with my daughters besides the classic “hey, who needs a bat or a tennis racket; swing your body this way and wham, home run! “

I opened the email and can you believe it, all they talked about was sex.  Don’t these morons know you are supposed to entice the customers and get their attention by starting off with the word “sex” in the subject line?  I bet you opened this post thinking that same thing.  See, sex gets one’s attention and then you go on to talk about some mundane thing like emails.  But I really wanted to know about bra fat!!!!  I feel cheap; I feel cheated; doggone it, I want to learn how to get rid of it.  Is that too much to ask?  I have a good mind to write them an email with sex in the subject line and then talk about my dishwasher.  That will show them!  Although I am going against my grain so instead I think I'll go and practice my boob swing.  I hear “winter” softball is about to start practice.

Now where did I put....

My day!!!  Where did it go?  I woke up at 7:10 a.m. and now it is 2:55 p.m.!  Did someone change the clock?

This morning the shih tzu went to the beauty parlor (lucky dog!), but that shouldn't have knocked my world out of orbit.  Although, how many of us can go to an all-day spa for $25.00?  Now is this fair, I ask you?  

Oh and then I ran to the store to pick up milk for the boy so he could eat his grains and of course I needed a treat for me....Braum's has a wonderful vanilla bean frozen yogurt.  I'll be back...I need a snack.

Okay, where was I?  And then the boy wanted my help with his science lab.  We began working on mass and velocity and momentum and my head started spinning (science is not my forte!).  Thankfully there are others in the house who can serve as his lab partner.  Unfortunately, they are more hindrance than help.

I'd say it is hard to measure the distance with Kitzilla sitting on the track.

Does this measuring stick make my butt look fat?

Sorry, Kitzilla...no helping move the "sled" either.  Such a good science partner!  She just wants the results to look good!

It moves; it rolls; it's mine!

Moving right along, let me help you measure that ping pong ball, Boy.  I don't think you have the weight right down.

Sorry, Kitzilla, Boy needs a new lab partner...well, he's not exactly a "lab" but the lhaso apso will have to do....oh, great....

I'll help you, Boy, let me write for you....okay...okay....I'll write for you....okay?

Such was my day.  How about yours?