Para-pros- what???

 This morning I received a humorous email from my word-horse Graini-aunt. I decided to share the ones in her email and then find a few more to make it a perfect 20 paraprosdokians.  I would not have considered myself OCD but for the very reason of having to make a perfect 20 paraprosdokians.....yep, I'm OCD.

 

Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.
 

Enjoy!

 

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

 

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

 

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

 

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

 

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

 

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

 

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism . To steal from many is research.

 

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

 

10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put  'DOCTOR'.

 

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive . You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

 

13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure..

 

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

 

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

 

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

 

17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

 

18.  Do not argue with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

 

19.  Evening news is where they begin with "Good Evening" and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

 

and finally.....

20.  A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

 

Thank you, Graini-Aunt!!! 

 

Whew, Whew and Whew!!!

What a week!!!  Rat Mom (who will soon become Grad Girl--once she is accepted to grad school, that is) came for the weekend and left Monday morning.  It was so good to see her.  Please keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer that she gets into the best grad school for her (i.e. gives the best scholarships!!!).  I really felt like I was staving off a cold or possibly an allergy attack all weekend so when Monday rolled around and she rolled out of the drive-way, I turned into a slug.  I lounged on the couch in and out of consciousness.  If it had been raining, it would have been a perfect day to slug around.  Thankfully, it was beautiful weather for Rat Mom's voyage home.
Tuesday came and went and quite frankly I can't tell you what I did (or did not do!).  Oh yes, I cleaned up around the house.  No wonder I've blanked it out of my memory.
Wednesday was my women's organization meeting and choir practice.  I love going to the meetings which are held in members' homes.  Kind of makes you want to re-paint the walls and throw out the old furniture or at least refurbish and re-cover it.  And get this-- not once did I see any type of fur-balls or dust planet floating through the house when the door opened.  How DO they do it?  Mine hide and make their presence every time a guest comes over!
Thursday took me to my hometown for a church meeting.  There went a whole morning and most of the afternoon.
And ta da, it's Friday and I'm scratching my head asking "where did the week go?"
I took a brain test this morning.  Good news: I still have one.  The test measured whether you are predominantly right or left brained.  Mine measured equal... but by my calculations, 59% and 41% are NOT equal.  One side is slightly higher, right???  Guess which one?

Left brain:  rules      language      strategy     rationality    logic    details

Right brain:  images    chaos     creativity      fantasy     intuition      curiosity

Yep, I'm left brained.  HA   You guessed it.  It had me at the word "chaos."   I saved the test to my desktop and then couldn't find it!  Not only do I need to de-clutter the house but my dang computer needs cleaning too.  When will it end??????

Happy Friday, Grainiacs.  Have a wonderful day.  As for me, I'm going to lunch with a friend and I have card-making tonight!!!  Win-win.

Happy YOU Day!!!

Yes, you read that right.  It IS Valentine's Day but it is also some-grainiac's birthday.  So here's a happy birthday shout-out for Pansy!

Who decides what days we celebrate?  Is Valentine's Day a national treasure day?  Or is it big business?  And by "big" I also mean a day to pack on the pounds?  Just how many eating days, er, holidays do we celebrate that involve eating?

I know you can add more, but this is what I came up with before a full cup of coffee streamed through my veins!

January- New Year's Day- black-eyed peas and ham--- okay, maybe some of you are nursing a hang-over and food is the last thing on your mind, so scroll on down to December 31st!

February- Super Bowl
                 Valentine's Day
                  my sister-in-law's birthday (don't we go out to eat on birthdays???)
                  Charro Days (this is a south Texas thing but believe me, there's LOTS of eating)

March- Mardi Gras
             St. Patrick's Day (who can drink green beer on an empty stomach)

April- Easter
           my brother's birthday
           my brother-in-law's birthday

May- Cinco de Mayo and eldest daughter's birthday
          Hubby's birthday
          Mother's Day

June- MY birthday and you better take me out to eat!!!
          Youngest daughter's birthday
          Anniversary- oh has it already been a year; what would you  like to do???  Yeah, we're so romantic!
          Father's Day

July- 4th of July
         Mom's birthday

August-  What!?! We have a free month.  Oh, wait...it's back to school. let's go out to eat

September- Labor Day

October- HALLOWEEN CANDY!!!!!

November- Thanksgiving...let's eat...it's been a whole month since we gorged ourselves on Halloween candy and now it's time for PIE!!!!
                   Eldest son's birthday

December- oh Lord, it's a whole month of eating orgies!!!
                   and then there's New Year's Eve
                   Youngest son's birthday

So why do we wonder about food disorders and over-eating?  Our year is cycled around food.  Even when we change eating habits we are focused on food (how many points does this pack?  Does this contain gluten? What's the carb count?).

The older I get, the less food I really need yet I continue to eat like there's no tomorrow.  I have become obsessed with food.

Growing up, my Mom's good friend and neighbor did not eat meals...she nibbled.  The problem with me and nibbling is I nibble, then I E.A.T.!!!  So what's the answer?  I do not believe there is a right answer.  There is not a perfect eating plan for the masses.  YOU have to find out what works for YOU.  Weight Watchers is perfect for some, but not for all.  Atkins is perfect for some, but not for all.  Jenny Craig.... Wheat Belly.... Nutri-System....nibbling.  Find what works for you and go with it.  The best plan is to take it slowly.  Lose the weight slowly, but keep in mind how you originally lost the weight.  Slow and steady seems to keep off the weight.

Now have a wonderful Valentine's Day or Birthday or Friday!!!!  Name this YOUR day (just don't celebrate it with food!).  Today is Strawberry Day, but so it tomorrow...and the day after....and after....and...... Celebrate You no matter what day it is.  Let's rewrite our calendars to celebrate the days we choose to celebrate without focusing on food.  Our bodies will thank us.

Passion

What's your passion?  Do you like to read?  Do you like to do all things crafty?  I do.  I love creating.  I love trying new things.  Lately I l.o.v.e. all things card-making!  I have card making supplies all over the craft room house!  I have a box of supplies in the kitchen...in the family room...in my bedroom...even in the craft room (Hubby misunderstood and thought I said "crap" room).  Yes my "crap" is all over the place.  I recently found a quote and looked through the bing images and found this fun graphic to go with my fun quote.

perfect picture for me: PINK and flip flops

Okay, so the picture doesn't depict a card-making photo, but it's pink! and has flip flops!  What more can I say????  It's me!!!!  Even the quote.  Great job brainwork- whatever dot com!!!!

Think about your passion.  Is anything stopping you from doing it?  Okay, if it is illegal, refrain from it!!!  But if it is something you love to do but don't think you have time; take the time.  Enjoy your passion.

Happy Sunday

Happy Sunday, Grainiacs!  I never....well hardly ever (I'd have to check back through all my posts to verify) post on a Sunday.  I've been so negligent with blogging of late that I wanted to send a Sunday shout-out.  Today our congregation celebrated Black History Month.  A local minister preached on tolerance.  Her message was encouraging.  We have worked together on various women's activities.  On one such event she casually mentioned her cousin is .....wait for it.....Denzel Washington!!!!  I said "yum."  I love him.  I love looking at him (you have to admit, he's a cutie!) and he is a gifted actor.  I asked her if she got to see him.  Unfortunately no.  I had a whole scenario worked out in my head and it included meeting Denzel.  Ah well....

In happy news, Rat Mom is coming home to visit!  It has been a while since she has been down to visit.  She was unable to come for Thanksgiving or for Christmas.  We are excited.  The furmily here might not be excited, though.  She is bringing The Blonde.  It's been a while since T.B. has been back.  He might get worried that she is bringing him back to drop off.  I have a feeling he won't be leaving her side!  LOL

They play games together.....and walk together.....

Time out!

So, I'm hoping to be back to blogging, Grainiacs.  I missed you.