A Remembrance

*May I share a class assignment with you?  "No?"... click exit now. "Yes?"  Here you go....  Just for your information and so I don't get in trouble with the footnote police; in my essay IR stands for the book written by Samuel Wells, ed., Christian Ethics: An Introductory Reader (United Kingdom: Wiley-Blackwell, 2010 and ICE stands for the book written by Samuel Wells and Ben Quash, Introducing Christian Ethics (United Kingdom: Wiley-Blackwell, 2010.  Probably the footnote police won't be reading my blog so I'm really including it in case you wanted to catch up on your Christian Ethics reading!

**I am happy to report that I have completed ALL assignments due before I leave for seminary.  Whoo hoo, Strawberry doing the happy dance!!!!  I am unhappy to report that the pants I'm wearing today are fitting a bit snug.  Need to do a more intense happy dance to dance off some pounds!

***Last chance....if you don't want to read my essay.....click off NOW!!!!!!

The older woman was slowly walking over to where my grandmother and I were sitting.  We were at the mall watching the children go round and round on the carousel and I assumed the woman wanted to sit and watch too.  Instead she came over to my grandmother and took her aged hand in hers and smiled.  In my broken Spanish I pointed to my grandmother and said “abuelita;” an endearing word for grandmother and then added “noventa y nueve.”  My grandmother was almost 100 years old!  A sparkle gleamed in both ladies’ eyes.  The stranger “ooh”-ed and gently placed her hands on my grandmother’s face and touched her eyes and cheeks.  This was not an isolated event; many people in my south Texas town would come up to my grandmother and touch her.  In Mexico as in other cultures, the elderly are revered.  Their wisdom and experience are celebrated.  It seems to me in my own culture, the elderly are looked upon as a nuisance and in some cases, a menace to society.  I do not think we intentionally mean to dishonor them, but we live in a fast paced world and let’s face it, the average octogenarian (and older) is just plain slow (and deservingly so!).

            In his speech to the Friends of the Elderly, Rowan Williams questions our definition of the elderly.  Do we define a person simply based on whether they are “prime consumers or producers?” (IR, 152)  If so, Williams’ says “ageing is bound to be extra bleak.”   He goes on to say how we perceive age is a spiritual question.  Human life is a story.  Alasdair MacIntyre would agree.  He states “humans…are already structured as a narrative.  Human beings are essentially storytelling animals.  And these stories are inextricably interwoven with one another” (ICE, 197).  Based on Williams’ speech, I believe the value/virtue (axiology) is the dignity we give to hearing the story of the elderly.  A life story (our narrative) is valuable. 

            In Matthew 22, Jesus gives us the Great Commandment.  How would a world look if we truly “loved our neighbor as ourselves?”  Each of our stories would be embraced as if it were our own.  While talking with grieving families making funeral arrangements, my husband is privileged to hear the deceased’s life story.  He recently remarked how wonderful it would be if every one of these families had gotten together to share these remembrances with their loved ones before they died.  Some families were grieving the loss of their loved one’s story.  They had not talked to each other in ages and some of the stories had been long forgotten.  My husband witnessed the pain in the family member’s eye because of this separation.  Some family members were really close to the deceased and their stories rolled off the tip of their tongues because they had all shared them time and time again.  The value in sharing these stories while an aged person is still alive honors that person and lets them know their story will live on long after their mortal body does not. 

            What can the church do?  Williams reports that growing old and isolation are synonymous.  This should not be!  Many churches provide intergenerational opportunities throughout the year.  One such event stands out in my mind at our church.  One potluck dinner, we set up 12 tables.  Each table was assigned a month and supplied with “get acquainted” questions.  Each member (young and old) were asked to sit at the table with their birth month.  At first some children (and some adults) were leery about this set up, but they complied and by the end of the evening the laughter and chatter and new friendships made is one I will never forget.  Each young and old person validated each other by telling and listening to each one's story.  Consequently we all became one story; love each other as you love yourself in action.  Other churches have their youth and children “interview” the older adults and memorialize it by editing it in a video for the church’s history.  Williams also mentions this type of project in his speech.  He states “it affirms the value of older people’s memories; it allows them a chance to do some of that work we have already been thinking about, of ordering and reflecting on a life history” (IR, 153).

            With the growing number of dementia patients, these remembrances or narratives or stories are the elderly person’s life line.  They have forgotten their story.  In my Grandmother’s case, we would remind her of one of her stories and she would laugh and say “Did I do that?”  She was a remarkable woman and lived a memorable life.  We honored her by telling “her” story to her as often as we could. 

Williams challenges us by asking “can we respect and love those who may seem to have no clear picture of themselves or others at all?”  As a society “are we truly committed to giving place and respect to those who can return nothing (as it seems)?” (IR, 153).  I believe Stanley Hauerwas answers that question in his statement regarding children with disabilities “[t]he suffering and death of Christ demonstrate that God is not removed from the story of people…indeed, God’s face is their face” (ICE, 174).  When we value someone’s story, we are looking into the face of God.