My Cup Runneth Over

I've had it with bras!  You could call it my Bra Tirade.  No, I'm not rebelling against the system and planning to burn mine.  I'm just tired of trying to find the perfect one.  I've measured above the cup and subtracted; I've measured below the cup and subtracted; I still cannot find the perfect fit.  I'm thinking next time I should try measuring my thigh and my elbow-- I might finally have the perfect bra size.  I have had it with bras.  Lingerie makers:  Why can't a B cup BE a B cup?  Or a C or a DDDDDDDDDDDD-- whatever the cup size!  I bet you all sit up nights laughing at the poor fools who measure anything bigger than a training bra.  And don't get me started on training bras!  You did not train me well!  I'm ready to write to the President.  Forget the economy- I don't have enough money to support my "find a perfect bra size" fund anyway.  I'm going broke- did you know that nice bras cost over $15.00?  No wonder our economy is in crisis.  Full busted women!  Unite  or  Unhook!  Let's buy up every ace bandage and wrap ourselves silly.  I say give me enough ace bandage to harness these puppies and I'll be good to go.  

Be sure to lower your arm before applying; otherwise you'll just look silly!

Remember the Madonna craze with the water cup bra?  Well, I'm thinking she was on to something.  Go have your sip of water from the water cooler and then sneak a second cup and presto!  Recycling/ reusing/ reducing at its finest.

I mean really, I should be able to buy a bra in my measured size and it should fit.  I went to the Playtex website and measured the exact way they said.  I went to JCPenney's (they are having a great bra sale) and bought my size.  Got home; tried it on and look, Ma...I have boobs in the front.  I have boobs under my arms and I have boobs on my back.  No matter which way I'm facing, I have some girls facing that direction too.  Problem is I DON'T WANT BOOBS every which way!  I love that most bra manufacturing websites tell you to be sure to have a professional fit you.  Say what?  I'm a woman.  I don't have to have another woman show me how to measure and bend and stuff them in a bra.  I've been doing this since 4th grade for heaven's sake.  I should not have to expect to have "a professional" poke and prod in my space-- you know?  I could go to the gynecologist if I'm feeling that masochistic.  No thank you!  Just make the bras the same size each time!  Is that really asking too much?  I think not.

So, it's back to the store to exchange them.  I guess I should stay and try them on, but that really burns my bra.  If you happen to pass by a dressing room and hear whimpering, you might be tempted to stop and help.  It's probably some poor soul fighting the urge to call in the professionals.